Best BDSM Dating Sites for BDSM Chat, Bondage Kink and Fetish Exploration

BDSM is a broad term—one that encompasses a range of themes from dominance/submission to sensory play, and beyond.

Not everyone is into this stuff, though, which is why it’s still considered a bit hush-hush on mainstream dating sites. 

Where does one find BDSM practitioners to have fun with?

We’ve been on the alt-sex scene for a while and have the best BDSM dating sites all laid out for you. No matter your go-to fetish or bondage preference, these fetish BDSM platforms offer a load of spicy opportunities to meet like-minded people.

Find your next play buddy (or buddies) with the top BDSM dating sites in 2023.

Best BDSM Dating Sites for BDSM Kink, Reviewed

First Look

• Adult Friend Finder—Best BDSM dating site overall
• ALT.com—All about BDSM kinks 
• FetLife—Great free BDSM chat option
• Fetish.com—Find local munches & parties
• Seeking— High-class hookup site
• Tinder—Another solid free option
• Ashley Madison—Interested in discreet affairs?
• PURE app—Popular kink-friendly hookup app
• BDSM.com—Great for extreme BDSM
• BuddyBang—Fetish-friendly hookup site

1. Adult Friend Finder—Best BDSM Dating Site Overall

Pros

• Good selection of BDSM-related filter options
• Very active BDSM community
• Millions have joined AFF worldwide
• Cam shows from pros and regular members
• Couples profiles supported
• Free BDSM chat rooms

Cons

• Free accounts can’t send messages
• Inactive profiles and some bots

Pricing

• $39.95/month (month-to-month)
• $26.95/month (3-month subscription)
• $19.95/month (12-month subscription)

Established in the mid-90s, Adult Friend Finder is an adult-oriented social networking and hookup site that’s home to over 100 million users.

These aren’t your run-of-the-mill vanilla sexplorers, though. AFF caters to a wide array of more extreme interests, including swinging, group sex, kinks—and of course—BDSM.

How do you find fellow BDSM practitioners on AFF?

The easiest way is by using the ‘Kink Search’ tool. Here, you’ll find 50+ kink and BDSM-related filter options, including ‘Bondage’, ‘Clamps’, ‘Collar and leash’, ‘Handcuffs/Shackles’, and ‘Latex/Leather’.

Simply click on whichever option best suits your tastes and you’ll be instantly presented with hundreds of nearby members who share your particular penchant for BDSM-fueled fun.

(PS: If you’re partial to the realm of extreme BDSM, you’re in luck—AFF offers a Sadism/Masochism option)

To narrow things down, you can further sort members by what role they take on, including ‘Receiving’, ‘Giving/Doing’, ‘Watching’, and ‘Everything’.

We also recommend checking out AFF’s Community Groups section where you’ll find a handful of BDSM and fetish groups. 

While some of these groups are purely discussion-based, others serve as a personal section and it’s not uncommon to come across an experienced Dom taking applications for a new Sub/Slave.

A free account will let you search and view profiles, but you will need a paid subscription to send messages. A paid plan also gives you access to user-submitted erotic stories, live amateur cam shows, and full access to member photo albums. 

Connect With Local Kinksters on AFF Today

2. ALT.com—Best BDSM Dating Site For BDSM Kink Novices

Pros

• 50+ BDSM and kink filter options
• Users can upload fun video introductions
• Couples profiles supported
• Sexy, user-run blogs to read
• 7.5 million member-submitted erotic photos

Cons

• Smaller user base than AFF (800k members)
• Free accounts can’t send messages

Pricing

• Silver Account: $8.33—$19.95/month
• Gold Account: $12.50—$29.95/month

A popular BDSM and fetish dating site, ALT.com serves as a judgment-free zone where like-minded adults come together and explore the limits of their sexuality.

ALT is owned and operated by AFF and the site offers many of the same tools and features.

There are some differences, though.

Unlike AFF, ALT.com is 100% dedicated to BDSM kinks and fetish-fuelled fun—catering to everything from basic bondage and latex play to more advanced kinks like “Total Power Exchange (TPE)”, “Cock and Ball Torture”, and “Pony Play”.

No matter what you’re into, you can add highly-specific kink and fetish tags to your profile, making it easy for other members with sexually compatible tastes to find you.

When you add a specific BDSM technique or kink to your profile, you’ll also specify what role you take on. While the exact roles depend on the kink in question, ‘Giving’, ‘Receiving’, and ‘Watching’ are the most common.

Like AFF, users must purchase a paid subscription to send messages. You also get greater profile visibility, and access to sexy, member-produced video intros, member blogs, and photo albums.

New to BDSM?

Alt.com hosts over 8,000 user-written articles. While some come in the form of erotic stories or personal musings, others explore the realm of BDSM in serious detail, giving newbies a firsthand account of what the BDSM scene is all about.

Sign-Up With the Internet’s Most Popular Kink/Fetish Dating Site

3. FetLife—Free BDSM Chat, Fetlife App With Fetlife Login

Pros

• Access to local BDSM sex parties
• Excellent search and filter options
• Online store for BDSM accessories
• Unlimited free messages
• Thousands of photo-verified members

Cons

• Outdated chat feature
• No official mobile app

Pricing

• Most features are free
• Become a supporter for $5/month

Launched back in 2008, FetLife is a popular social networking site for Doms, Subs, and kinkers who take the BDSM and fetish lifestyle seriously.

Compared to other sex apps and fetish sites, FetLife is impressively inclusive and lets users choose from over 10 Gender/Sexuality options during sign-up.

We were also impressed by how serious FetLife is about BDSM activities, letting new members add up to five roles to their profiles. The list of roles is vast, and whether you consider yourself a Rope Bunny, Leather Daddy, or Kinkster, there’s no doubt an option for you.

Once signed up, FetLife functions more like a social networking platform than a dating app, and in many ways, can be thought of as the Facebook of BDSM kinks.

The site also hosts a high-traffic ‘Events’ section where you’ll find local kinkster events, meetups, and parties across all major US cities. 

While this isn’t unique among fetish sites, FetLife is one of the few that lets users advertise full-on sex parties. 

Is FetLife free?

Surprisingly, yes—free members can send messages and comment on posts as they, please. The BDSM chat site does have a $5 monthly “support us” plan, however, which gives users access to the site’s entire catalog of user-submitted photos and videos.

Join The Most Popular Free BDSM Chat Site

4. Fetish.com—Popular BDSM Dating Site With Live Events

Pros

• Nearly all members are verified
• Unlimited messages for free accounts
• Fun BDSM and kink-related forums
• Excellent BDSM educational resources
• Access to local events and munches
• Android and iOS mobile apps

Cons

• Male to female ratio could be better
• Limited search filters

Pricing

• Premium membership: $4.49 to $9.90/month
• VIP membership: $7.49 to $16.90/month

Designed with both kink-curious newbies and life-long practitioners in mind, Fetish.com is a highly-popular BDSM dating site open to men, women, and couples looking to explore their wild side. 

Are you worried about bots, catfish, and fake accounts? Fetish.com has your back. 

The site employs an in-depth photo-verification system to ensure all members are who they claim to be.

What’s more, due to the explicit nature of the BDSM chat site, most features are reserved for members who verify their age (letting you rest assured that everyone you engage with is 18+).

Access to this verification process is reserved for paid members, of which there are two kinds—VIP and Premium. 

While both tiers offer access to user photo albums, messaging privileges, and the ability to open your chat room, a VIP subscription also boosts your position in search results.

If you live in a large city, you’ll also find member-sponsored munches and events in the play. For those unaware, these are laid-back get-togethers for BDSM, kink, and fetish enthusiasts where no sex or other adult-oriented activities occur.

Find a Local Munch or BDSM Party on Fetish.com Today

5. Seeking.com—Best BDSM Sex Apps for Luxury Fetish and Findom

Pros

• Over 40 million members
• ID and background check verification
• Fun ‘Gifts’ feature
• Members into financial domination
• Very detailed search tool
• Several privacy features

Cons

• Expensive monthly subscriptions
• Not exclusively BDSM-oriented

Pricing

• $96.66—$274.99/month

Initially launched as a sugar daddy site, Seeking.com has changed gears in recent years, and today caters to the elite and luxury dating scene.

That said…many male users are on there looking for a financial dominatrix, hence its spot in our list. It’s also popular among attractive users in search of well-off suitors, who can give them the luxury they deserve.

And in terms of looks, Seeking’s member pool is seriously top-shelf.

While Seeking is a few steps off from being a BDSM dating site, the platform is home to some refreshingly adventurous and open-minded members.

How do you find alternative-inclined users?

The best way is by using the ‘Profile Text’ search option. Here, you can enter any phrase, tag, or keyword you like and see what comes up. For example, if you enter ‘BDSM’, ‘Kink’, or ‘Feet’, you may be surprised by the number of results that pop up. 

Better yet, Seeking.com has one of the most rigorous profile verification processes out there; one that includes photo ID verification and a third-party background check. 

While free members can see who’s visited their profile, search for other members, and send 10 free messages, you’ll need a paid subscription to get the most out of Seeking.com. If you do, you’ll unlock unlimited messages, video call privileges, and several free profile boosts every week. 

Meet a Local Dime By Signing-Up up with Seeking.com

6. Tinder—BDSM Chat and BDSM Kinks Dating App

Pros

• Free to send messages
• Easy-to-use interface
• Quick sign-up process
• Great for finding local hookups
• Log in with your phone number, Facebook, or IG

Cons

• Not designed for BDSM practitioners
• Limited search filters with a free account

Pricing

• $4.50—$29.99/month depending on the package
• Free accounts can match/message with other users

Easily the world’s most popular hookup app, Tinder receives over 75 million visitors each month— the vast majority of which fall between the ages of 18 and 35.

Like Seeking, Tinder isn’t specifically BDSM or kink-focused and most members are on the hunt for dates, f*ck buddies, and general no-strings-attached sex.

Nevertheless…

Each profile contains an ‘About Me’ section where you can state in no uncertain terms your interest in BDSM, kink, and fetish—giving like-minded members the best chance of finding you.

Tinder is also ridiculously easy-to-use, and utilizes a simple ‘Swipe Right for ‘Yes’/Swipe Left for ‘Next’’ system that lets you blaze through profiles very quickly.

The best part about Tinder? It’s entirely free to send messages and swipe through profiles.

If you purchase a paid subscription, however, you’ll gain access to several experience-enhancing features, including the ability to see who’s liked you, rewind on missed matches, and change your location.

While Tinder may not be the best BDSM dating site out there, it’s certainly worth checking out as an auxiliary option to AFF or ALT.com (especially if a run-of-the-mill hookup piques your interests)

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7. Ashley Madison—Discreet BDSM Dating Site for Coupled Folks

Pros

• Privacy-enhancing features
• Designed for discreet affairs
• Over 40 million members
• Great place to meet doms and subs
• Excellent guy/girl ratio 
• Women message free

Cons

• Finding kink-inclined matches can take time
• Credits can be expensive

Pricing

• $0.29 to $0.59 per credit
• Men use credits for messages and interactions

Launched back in 2002 with the slogan ‘Life Is Short, Have an Affair’, Ashley Madison is a notoriously-popular hookup site designed for discreet affairs and extramarital rendezvous.

The site isn’t just for two-timing adulterers and it’s become a popular platform among singles looking for low-key hookups and hardcore coitus.

Moreover, we were pleasantly surprised by the amount of alternative sex-leaning members on the site, and if you look hard enough, you’ll find people into everything from feet and cuckolding to ropes and threesomes.

Of course, finding these people can prove difficult as Ashley Madison doesn’t support a keyword search tool—one of its major downsides.

Still, the site has several privacy-enhancing tools (like the ability to blur out your face in photos and change the sex app’s appearance) and is free for women—resulting in a balanced male-to-female ratio out there.

Another aspect we like about Ashley Madison is that it’s a credit-based platform, meaning you don’t have to commit to a monthly subscription plan to use the site.

Meet A Local MILF or Find Your Next Steamy Affair On Ashley Madison

8. PURE.app—Anonymous BDSM Kink Friendly Dating App

Pros

• Good selection of privacy tools
• Omegle-like random video chat
• Very open-minded user base
• Nudes welcomed
• 100% free for women
• Unique ‘Ad’ system

Cons

• Not BDSM-focused
• Free members can’t post ads or messages

Pricing

• $14.99 for a weekly membership
• $29.99 for a monthly membership

Supporting over 15 gender and sexuality options, PURE is a highly-inclusive dating app that’s as unique as it is quirky.

Offering a fun art style and fast sign-up process, the app provides a great alternative to endless swiping by letting users post personalized hookup ads.

These ads then appear in other members’ feeds, which can be further filtered based on criteria like age, gender, height, proximity, and more.

If you log in and come across an ad that excites you, just send the person a message and see where things go.

How do you find other BDSM-minded members on PURE? 

The easiest way is by stating your BDSM leanings directly in your ad—something along the lines of ‘New in town, looking for an experienced Dom to put me in my place’ would do just fine.

You can also outfit your profile with one of the many supported ‘Turn On’ tags, with options like ‘Nudes’, ‘Sexting’, ‘Threesome’, and ‘Leather’ being popular.

PURE is also very discretion-friendly, allowing members to maintain their anonymity with face-hiding tools, disappearing messages, and private photo albums.

Although free for women, men must pay for a weekly or monthly subscription to post ads and send messages, which won’t set you back more than a six-pack of beer would.

Anonymously Connect With Open Couples and Singles on PURE

9. BDSM.com—Best Extreme BDSM Dating Site for Advanced Users

Pros

• 80+ BDSM-related filter options
• See who’s viewed your profile for free
• Hundreds of local personal ads
• Regular local meetups and kink parties
• Over 300 x-rated community groups

Cons

• Free accounts can’t send messages
• Watch out for fake profiles and catfish

Pricing

• Silver Account: $8.33—$19.95/month
• Gold Account: $12.50—$29.95/month

Like ALT.com, BDSM.com is an X-rated social networking site that lets users post personal ads and filter members by what BDSM kinks they’re into, including popular options like bondage, humiliation, paddle play and whips.

What’s more, members regularly post invitations to fun meet-ups and events—which trust us, is one of the best ways to break into your local BDSM community.

Is BDSM.com free?… Uhh, sort of.

While free accounts can access community groups, view profiles, and use any of the 80+ BDSM and fetish-related filter options, they won’t be able to send messages. 

For the luxury of chatting, you’ll need a paid subscription.

Paid members also show up towards the top in search results, are notified of when new members join and gain full access to member-uploaded photos and videos (many of which are extremely x-rated, by the way).

Sign-Up with BDSM.com Today and Experience the Extreme Side of Kink

10. BuddyBang—Inclusive Threesome BDSM Dating Site

Pros

• Weekly photo contests
• Thousands of sexy photos/videos
• Very kink/fetish-friendly
• Couples profiles supported
• Decent option for threesomes

Cons

• Less active than AFF or FetLife

Pricing

• $14.95—$27.95/month depending on subscription length

An anything-goes hookup site, Bangbuddy is built around casual sex and is particularly popular among kink and fetish-friendly users.

What makes BuddyBang special?

While the site has a smaller user base than sex apps like AFF or FetLife, there’s a good selection of sexy features to choose from, including location-specific chat rooms, a fun ‘Purity’ test, and weekly photo contests.

These photo contests are based on a specific theme or idea (lingerie, self-touch, bubble bums, etc.) and both participation and voting privileges are open to everyone.

Into swinging or group bondage?

BuddyBang supports couples’ profiles, making it easy to find like-minded partnerships or the right third-person-in. We were also impressed by the number of VIP and verified accounts, many of which have hundreds of sexy photos and videos attached to their profile.

Looking to grab someone’s attention?

Check out the site’s virtual gift and “Flirts” features—two great ways to stand out from other users. Of course, you’ll need a paid subscription to access these features along with unlimited messaging capabilities.

Find Kinky Friends-With-Bennefits on BuddyBang

11. Reddit r/BDSMpersonals—Reddit Bondage BDSM Dating

Pros

• Entirely free to use
• Active user base
• 100% BDSM focused
• A good place to find local subs
• Very explicit

Cons

• No search or filter options
• No verified accounts

Pricing

• 100% free—all you need is a Reddit account

Home to more than 420k kinksters and BDSM enthusiasts, r/BDSMpersonals is a popular alt-sex subreddit where members from all over the U.S. are free to post personal ads in search of a compatible dom, sub, or slave.

Of course, given Reddit’s layout, the sub does have some limitations.

For starters, there aren’t any filter options, meaning sorting members by age, height, gender, and preferred BDSM kinks is nearly impossible.

So, how do r/BDSMpersonals work?

Just create a Reddit account, join the subreddit, and post a short (or long) personal ad detailing who you are, where you’re from, and what you’re looking for. The subreddit is seriously NSFW, but do check out the guidelines for any banned stuff.

What do common ads look like?

Well—they’re pretty explicit. For example, one member wrote “I’m a 5’5 sl*t that was meant to be used. I’m looking for local dominant people willing to help train me to be a complete sex doll (the dream!!)’

Like we said… Pretty explicit.

While r/BDSMpersonals is no substitute for AFF, FetLife, or Alt.com, it’s certainly worth giving a try if you live in a large city.

Visit r/BDSMpersonals—A Popular Free BDSM Hookup Site

12. BDSM Singles—Best BDSM Chat Site for Single Newbies

Pros

• Great for BDSM newbies
• Handy Incognito mode
• Tinder-like swipe left/right feature
• Affordable premium accounts
• 20% off if you sign-up right away

Cons

• Free accounts can’t send messages
• Minimal 

Pricing

• $11.99/month (3-month subscription)
• $29.99/month (month-to-month)
• 5 days for $0.80/day

Although not as popular as AFF or FetLife, BDSM Singles have been on the scene for nearly two decades and are certainly worth checking out if you’re a single guy or gal just starting their BDSM adventure.

What makes the site so appealing to newbies?

Well, BDSM Singles has a reputation for being the first stop for many kinksters, meaning it’s frequented by experienced doms looking for someone new to break in.

The site also features a swiping-to-match format that makes it easy to browse through user profiles—especially when accessing the site from your mobile device.

That said, free accounts are very limited when it comes to search filters and aren’t granted messaging privileges. 

If you become a premium member, however, you’ll gain access to over 30 BDSM filter criteria plus access to a handy incognito mode that hides your profile from everyone except those you want to chat with.

Sign Up on BDSM Singles Today

13. Fetster—Fet BDSM Kink Site With Hot Local Parties Near You

Pros

• Find events and BDSM parties
• Fun forum sections
• Lots of free-to-access member photos
• Unlimited messages for free
• Good selection of BDSM classified ads

Cons

• No user verification process
• Small user base
• No mobile app

Pricing

• Free to use

Despite its outdated UI and tedious sign-up process, Fetster is another BDSM and kink dating site that takes its job very seriously—catering to everything from subs and sissies to doms and switches.

The site is popular among professional and highly experienced dominatrix, and if you happen to fall into one of the two camps, you’ll be redirected to a special sign-up process.

If not, you’ll complete the sign-up process normally—which trust us—gets extremely detailed.

Once signed up, you’ll be able to search for members based on what BDSM kinks they’re into, where they live, and their body type (breast and penis size included).

While the platform is free to use, the lack of features, poor interface, and small members base makes it a poor choice compared to options like AFF, and Alt.com.

But hey… it’s free and that alone makes it worth checking out.

Connect With An Experienced Dominatrix on Fetster

14. Bondage Pal— Affordable BDSM Chat Site

Pros

• Affordable subscription plans 
• PayPal accepted
• Unique search tool (mobile only)
• Photo verification available
• Access to other niche dating sites

Cons

• Annoying ads with the free version
• Poor desktop interface
• Inactive accounts

Pricing

• $2.33—$13/month

Connecting bondage and fetish-loving singles for over 14 years, BondagePal is a simple, yet reasonably effective kink dating site open to straight, bi, and trans users from around the world.

If you open an account, we strongly recommend using the mobile site—it’s entirely different.

Instead of a lazy interface and limited filter options, the mobile version features a neat search function that lets users combine short sentences like “I’m looking for a 25-year-old female sub that’s into age play and domination”.

Your BondagePal account also works with several other niche dating sites, including cybersex, bi-curious, and big penis dating platforms.

Joins The Internet’s Most Affordable BDSM Community

15. Feeld—BDSM Kink Dating App for Poly People

Pros

• Great for threesomes, throuples, and poly relationships
• Over 10 million visitors per month
• Couples profiles supported
• Incognito mode

Cons

• Mobile-only
• No BDSM filter options

Pricing

• Basic features are free
• Premium membership: $12.49/week or $24.49/90 days

Designed for open-minded sex seekers, Feeld is a kink-friendly dating site known for facilitating threesomes, polyamorous relationships, and no-strings-attached hookups.

Essentially, the app is great for those looking to cast convention aside—perfect for BDSM practitioners.

The site also supports linked couples profiles, a handy Incognito mode, and the ability to filter potential matches by sexual desires—including options like ‘Ethical Non-Monogamy’, ‘Throuple’, and ‘Open-Minded’.

Enjoy A Threesome With A Local Couple By Signing-Up up with Feeld

BDSM Dating Etiquette 101

New to the realm of BDSM dating? Not sure how to initiate a kink-friendly interaction? Consider the following things.

What Role Are You?

If you’ve never participated in a BDSM experience, the intimacy comes through power exchange—an act that requires two very different roles, the dominant, and the submissive.

Before signing up with a BDSM or fetish site, clearly define which role you’re willing to take on as this will greatly aid you in the partner-finding process.

Set Clear Limits

Once you’ve found someone who you connect/bond with, the next step is to set some basic (yet highly specific) boundaries on how far you’re willing to go and which acts you’re not down with. 

Hard limits are stuff that is “never gonna happen”, while soft limits are acts that you might be flexible with.

Do you Have any Kinks or Fetishes?

The world of BDSM and kink sex overlap significantly and tastes/interests can vary drastically. Whether it be AdultFriendFinder, ALT.com, or FetLife, most BDSM dating sites let you add kinks/fetish tags to your profile, making it easy for like-minded individuals to find you. 

Best BDSM Dating Sites for BDSM Chat – FAQs

Is BDSM Legal?

Yes, BDSM between two consenting adults is entirely legal. If it’s your first time, we recommend finding an experienced BDSM partner using a site like AdultFriendFinder, ALT.com, and FetLife.

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What If Someone Asks for Money?

If someone on a BDSM site asks you for money, stay away. If you’ve experienced issues with this before, we recommend sticking to sites like AFF, ALT.com, or Fetish.com that offer verified profiles. 

Not only on dating sites but on the internet in general, avoid people who ask you for money.

Which Sex Apps Are the Best for BDSM?

The best sex apps for BDSM and kink dating include AFF, FetLife, and ALT.com. All of them are full of users and have plenty of search filters that narrow down matches by kink.

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What Do Subdrop and AfterCare Mean?

Subdrop refers to intense feelings of shame, embarrassment, or pain subs often feel following an intense BDSM session. To prevent Subdrop, most doms perform Aftercare.

While aftercare can include a wide range of acts, it takes the form of general comforting and can include kind words, a glass of water, a massage, or anything else that makes the sub feel at ease.

Do I Have To Sign a BDSM Contract?

If your kink playtime activities go beyond basic spanking and tying, it’s a good idea to sign a Dom/Subcontract. Here, the two parties outline limits, safe words, responsibilities, punishments/rewards, and Dom’s responsibilities for aftercare.

While Dom/Sub contracts aren’t legally binding, they are a big part of the BDSM experience and many people get a sense of sexual satisfaction out of them. 

Find a Kinky Partner With The Best BDSM Dating Sites

With its open-to-anything user base, a large selection of kink/fetish filter options, and BDSM-focused community groups, it’s no mystery why Adult Friend Finder tops our list of the best BDSM and fetish dating apps.

That said, if you’re primarily interested in BDSM events like munches or BDSM-fueled sex parties, then FetLife or Fetish.com are better options.

No matter which site you choose, stay safe, have fun, and thanks for reading!

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